Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole?  

My friend and I passed by a shop that sold a variety of sweets and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,

"No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My friend started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beetroot-red and walked away.

To this day, my friend has never let me forget.

• Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at a cafe for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my snack, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.

Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."

Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Sooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MUM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their food laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

•  A female news reader who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!

• While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone.