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Page 8 of 9 My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Suport tights. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again.
My back-side was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. I couldn't believe that my new bottom was attached at least three inches lower than my original. Now, my rear complemented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish.
Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair, I gave up my T-shirts.
What could they do to me next? My poor neck suddenly disappeared faster than the Christmas turkey it now resembled. That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical profession by myself. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee. That really isn't plastic that those surgeons are using.You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don't you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted", look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs - and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!
This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband._Extrusion
A dad walks into a market with his young son. The child is holding a 10
pence piece. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.
The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking,
shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, but serious-looking woman in a blue
business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market, reading her
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down
on the saucer, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter,
gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the market.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's'
testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more
firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up
the coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing
the boy, the woman hands the money to the father and walks back
to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects,
the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying,
"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are
you a doctor?"
No," the woman replies, "I work for the Inland Revenue." __________________________________________________________
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Jokes